| and then you're on your very first date and he's got a car and you're feeling like flying.
and you're mama's waiting up and you're thinking he's the one and you're dancing 'round your room when the night ends.
when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you, you're gonna believe them.
when you're fifteen and your first kiss makes your head spin round.
but count to ten, take it in, this is life before you know who you're gonna be.
when all you wanted was to be wanted. wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now.
back then i swore i was gonna marry him some day, but i realized some bigger dreams of mine.
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| "It is in a woman's interest to know her nature truthfully."
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| Given recent events. Well. I will be happy to sleep tonight without half listening for the phone to ring.
so anyway, i'm leaving. i thought you'd like to know. your faithful come-what-may, but clearly i can't stay. we'd both go mad that way. so here i go. and anyway i'm leaving. i guess that you can see. i'll try this on my own, a life i've never known. i'll face the dread alone, but i'll be free. with you always beside me to catch me when i fall, i'd never get to know the feel of solid ground at all. with you always believing that we can still come through, it makes me feel the fool to know that it's not true. what doctors call disfunction we tried to call romance, and true it's quite a trick to tell the dancers from the dance, but rather than let chance take me i'll take a chance. i'll take a chance on leaving. it's that or stay and die. i loved you once and though you love me still i know, it's time for me to fly. i loved you once and though i love you still i know it's time for me to go. and so, goodbye.
Song lyrics and cryptic half-sentences. I am such a twelve year old.
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| Today is the first full day of fall. The weather is still humid and mild, but I am hunkering down for the big freeze. Squirrels are fighting (playing? participating in mating rituals?) in the trees and burying little bits of food in the mulch below while my cat watches excitedly from the open window. It makes me sad to think of how many summer nights I spent under heavy blankets because the air conditioning was always on full tilt. At least we will be spending less money on electricity now. Worst of all, Christmas is coming.
I have nail polish arriving in the mail either today or tomorrow. It's the little things that keep me going.
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| "Goddamn the whole fucking world and everyone in it but you, Carlotta."
W.C. Fields' last words.
Romantic, except that his wife was named Hattie.
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